Ostrich

I'm not as brave as I may like to be or trying to be afterall.
Days like these, I really wanna break down and cry at one corner.
I really wanna cry so I may feel better.

The ugly side of my job is I see the ugly side of human!
These fucking useless mutherfarkers just so fucking annoying and ugly that I wish they will just die the next day!
I cant wish to see their faces on NKF so I would maybe laugh my ass off.

And I think that is making me going crazy cos' I am getting so fucking ugly as well.
I don't like people anymore. I think they are just so fucking ugly inside that they just look like some twisted form of figurines.
I can't seem to feel empathetic towards anyone, anything already.
Anyone that annoys me, I just wish them anything that's painful and horrible and there I asked for forgiveness at night.

Just what the fuck am I doing?

These people...these animals are just so horrible!!
Why are they even looking for jobs?
Why do they even bother going through agencies?
It is so fucking disturbing especially for those group of mutherfarkers that teared off their smiles BEFORE & AFTER.
It is so fucking disgusting!

I dunno what my job is all about.
I dun even know if this is what I am capable of doing.
I dunno if there is anyone out there who is appreciative.
I dun even know if I enjoy dealing with people afterall.
Papers on the other hand seem so harmless than mundane now.

What a bitch this society is!

I cant see the beauty of the blue skies except blue is perhaps just blue and BLUE is a pessimistic colour if you feel so.

Maybe I am still inexperienced to handle all these craps.

Cant anyone give me a hand instead of letting me struggle there till I learned how to overcome this wave?
I just need help sometimes.
I dun wanna just keep learning how to move on by myself and God knows how lonely & scary this feels all the time!

I thought I badly needed help sometimes and there is no way I can expressed such needy feel other than words.

I dunno how the hell I led my life lately.
It is like I am practically living as the way it is programmed.
I dun even feel that I am living technically.

Everything seems so unreal to me, like a dream or I felt dead ,just responding to the 'programmed' activities in life.
I even really thought so that I went to felt if I have a pulse or heartbeat while I'm bathing.

I am so scare suddenly.

Someone would just tell me perhaps I need a break.
It is not physical rest that I need.
Mental break?

How long do I need before I feel that this angels do exists in the world, not limited to the faces of innocent and young?

Ostrich...a cowardy mammal.
Hides itself from fear and thinking noone will sees its tears.
Run fast and furious in attack, it may be.
But there is always more ugly predators...and it is no more than a bird that cant fly to save itself.

I am biting on my nerves to bring my rationale back to work.
But on the land where no angels fly, it is dark indeed.

Maybe I am just scare.
And then scare too that I am just another damned thing that people cursed about in the streets.

Green light, Seven Eleven
You stop in for a pack of cigarettes
You don't smoke, don't even want to
Hey now, check your change
Dressed up like a car crash
Your wheels are turning but you're upside down
You say when he hits you, you don't mind
Because when he hurts you, you feel alive
Hey babe, is that what it is

Red lights, gray morning
You stumble out of a hole in the ground
A vampire or a victim
It depend's on who's around
You used to stay in to watch the adverts
You could lip synch to the talk shows

And if you look, you look through me
And when you talk, you talk at me
And when I touch you, you don't feel a thing

If I could stay... Then the night would give you up
Stay...and the day would keep its trust
Stay...and the night would be enough

Faraway, so close Up
with the static and the radio
With satelite television
You can go anywhere
Miami, New Orleans London, Belfast and Berlin

And if you listen I can't call
And if you jump, you just might fall
And if you shout, I'll only hear you

If I could stay... Then the night would give you up
Stay...then the day would keep its trust
Stay...with the demons you drowned
Stay...with the spirit I found
Stay...and the night would be enough

Three o'clock in the morning
It's quiet and there's no one around

Just the bang and the clatter
As an angel runs to ground
Just the bang And the clatter
As an angel Hits the ground

-Far away, So close. -U2